-Z-
maria b.
jig burn
Filed under: Ballers & Shot Callers, Dating, HLM, Sex, The Finer Things in Life | Tags: HLM, penis, Ryan Gosling, Sexo, Want! Want! Want!
Vroom bitches.
Good morning, .m. You are welcome.
Filed under: biggest fears, Creepy, Fail, fury, Gee Thanks, Hating, HLM, Interwebz, just saying..., relationships | Tags: 50's Throwback, bullshit, Crazy, Devrah, Disgusting Things, Douchebags, Fuckbook, HLM, Idiots, Rat King, relationships, STFU Marrieds, the horror!
This morning, I was browsing around on Facebook. How great is that mini feed? Knowing every inane detail of every person’s life? I don’t status update much, if at all. But I do a little revelling in other people’s status updates. Why? Because they are 99% of the time asinine.
A hot mess of a girl I know had the following status update:
ST is wondering why she is the only one left in her class without a husband and kids. What used to be so scary is now what I want!!!
Click MORE for .m. and my text conversation regarding this horror story of a status update AAAAND a great website that Devrah sent me that corresponds! AFTER THE JUMP! GO!
Filed under: Creepy, Dating, Fail, Hating, HLM, relationships, shame shame shame | Tags: Disgusting Things, Douchebags, Engrish, HLM, Idiots, iPhone, penis, Rat King, relationships, the horror!, YBT
In one of the Notepad sections of my iPhone, I save quotes and quirky things that I especially like or want to remember (my friends will all attest to my shitty memory). It’s titled “Stuffs I Dig”.
The following is a message I saved that was sent to me via chat by my ex boyfriend because he was mad I had broken up with him:
You have friends but ones who leave u because u are not adamant
Yeah, .m. and I don’t know what the shit that means, either. He’s like a bad Japanese t-shirt. I’d wear that shit, though, if someone made it for me.
Filed under: Adventure!, HLM, just saying..., relationships | Tags: Awesome, Blog Neighborhood, Blogamari, Cupcake Heartbreak, Douchebags, fwiendship., HLM, Other Bloggers, Pinky Links, stuff .m. likes, tattoos, things -z- likes, Want! Want! Want!
Whattya say, .m., we're pretty EXREME!
.m. and I love us some ink. We’re pretty particular about what goes on our bodies, though, which is why I only have 2 thus far, and she has 3. We’re at the point where we’re both ready for another and would like to get them together. They don’t need to match (actually, would almost prefer they wouldn’t), but it would be fun if they corresponded somehow.
Anyways. So, we’re trying to come up with something most especially neat. Ideas would be appreciated. What would epitomize our Pinky Links friendship? We’re just not normal enough. Hello Kitty tramp stamps, butterflies, roses, and meaningless tribal designs just won’t cut it. We’re just not those kinds of girls. So what do we do?! Any ideas from our Blogamari (thanks Cupcake Heartbreak!)? From the folks we knows? From my MOM?
Wonder Pickles?
Filed under: Adventure!, biggest fears, Dating, Fail, Hating, HLM, just saying..., relationships, Sex, shame shame shame | Tags: blogging, Douchebags, emoticons, HLM, Idiots, relationships, SCOLD, Seth Rogan, Sexo, tea bags, text mensaje, the horror!
.m. is finally getting sweet el sexo action, thanks to her following the advice of jb and myself. Therefore, she is less frequently available than she used to be. I’ll give her credit, she’s trying not to be a complete douche.
Regardless. This is the only communication I had with her yesterday. Via Text:
-Z-: You smell like farts.
.m.: you IS a faht.
-Z-: You eat fahts.
.m.: YOU do. 
-Z-: You = 3;) [for those of you who don't know what that means, it is the Pinky Links emoticon for getting Tea Bagged]
.m.: incorrect!! that’s funny cuz i wanted to send you that.
-jb- and I will keep you posted on how girlie/douchey .m. gets while she’s going on trips to poundtown. I’ll make sure to publicly scold her via BLOG when she is at her worst.
ps. We’re also thrilled she’s getting some action! 3:)
Filed under: Celeb-U-Messes, Creepy, deep thoughts, Fail, just saying..., relationships | Tags: abdominals, Douchebags, Epic Lovers and Men, gchat, hip-hop, HLM, Idiots, penis, relationships, Sexo, stuff .m. likes, The Daily Show, the horror!, Ursher
Low-rise men's jeans make me slightly uncomfortable...
Gchat just now:
-Z-: there are pple singing outside my apt
.m.: singing while plotting their shooting?
-Z-: “i’m your maann you’re my giiiirl and i’m gonna tell it to the whooole wide wooorld”someone is mourning ursher’s recent divorce
.m.: hahaha with all these guys who claim to be such epic lovers and Men, their track record with the ladies sure is shitty
I just fell in love with this term .m. created. Epic Lovers and Men. It’s true. So this post is about you, Ursher. Mostly because some douches were singing one of your songs outside my apartment door. Loudly. Interrupting The Daily Show. I’m not sure any guy singing love ballads claiming to be Epic Lover and Man is good in the sack, or emotionally intelligent enough not to fuck up every relationship in their life with their ultimate douchiness.
Yes, Ursher, your ballads and abdominals caused some women to think you were in the business of Romance, but this was false advertising! Because great producers and abdominals are all you know! You were never required to learn how to be a human being, let alone an Epic Lover.
Feel free to prove me wrong….but….something tells me (your failed marriage & relationships, mostly) that you are not an Epic Lover, but actually an Epic Fail. Don’t worry, most dudes are the same way. They just don’t have a label and your personal trainer.
Filed under: Ballers & Shot Callers, cool beans, Sex | Tags: Abstinence Only Education, abstinence. yeah right., Americans, Awesome, cancer, cervix, FDA, feminism, fucking, Gardasil, healthcare, HLM, Merck, Ricky Perry, Sexo, stuff .m. likes, Texas, things -z- likes
My cervix is so pleased with me!
Yesterday I presented at my doctor’s office for my last Gardasil shot. I’m pleased as punch to have no more shots (it’s a series of 3), but I’m even happier to have been vaccinated against four types of HPV, a virus that is the leading cause of cervical cancer. Since it was approved by the FDA on June 8, 2006, there has been a continuous “moral battle” in the U.S. regarding the jab’s distribution. I’m so sick of conservatism in America right now. If conservatives are so concerned with Small Government, then why are they so goddamn interested in regulating my body in regards to sex and health care? More after the jump. (more…)
Filed under: Ballers & Shot Callers, cool beans, HLM, Sunday Blog-a-thon | Tags: HLM, runnies
For reals, she ran THIS far.
I just wanted to give a shout out to .m. Two weekends ago, she ran a half marathon. And I am so proud of her. Everyone else should be, too! ^^
Filed under: Being Sneaky, Fail, Hating, Jorb, shame shame shame | Tags: babies, bullshit, Crazy, Disgusting Things, ENolte, gchat, Glaucoma, HLM, Idiots, Miscarriage, NSA, Parenting, Transfats, Vending Machine Baby
This morning, I got to the office promptly at 8:00 a.m. Got myself a cup of coffee. Settled in to my desk to get ready for another great day of work!
*Phone Rings*
Filed under: awkward teen years/unfortunate adolescence, Ballers & Shot Callers, childhood, cool beans, deep thoughts, Fashion, HLM, relationships, videos | Tags: cartoons, College, Dubuque, Feelings, Gore, Happy Tree Friends, HLM, Homestar, hoops, relationships, things -z- likes, videos
I’m posting this, because I have a blog that allows me to do so.
This was always one of my favorite Happy Tree Friends episodes. I never watch these anymore, but a friend told me about a dream about woodland creatures they had last night, and it popped back into my head. Which also made me think about Homestarrunner, which I used to follow at about the same time (freshman year in college…). What happened to the good ol’ days?
Freshman year of college, .m. and I were busy not studying enough, playing basketball all day, road tripping to Dubuque, hanging out with dudes named Striker and Baby T, and hating on our roommates. We also wore midriff baring shirts. Embarrassing.
