-Z-
maria b.
jig burn
Filed under: Adventure!, Ballers & Shot Callers, cool beans, just saying..., Sex, Sunday Blog-a-thon, The Finer Things in Life | Tags: A Woman's Touch, Awesome, Fun, I Win!, Lily, Nea, NSA, penis, sex toys, Sexo, Target, things -z- likes, vibrators, Want! Want! Want!, weekend
D called me this morning and told me our first priority of the day was to get new vibrators (both of ours have been out of commission). That said, she swooped down to my house from her Castle of Awesomeness in her Chariot of Ford, picked me up, and away we went to A Woman’s Touch.
We spent a good hour at A Woman’s Touch. Oh man, there are so many options. The staff there, incredible. They gave us free testers of lube, as it was our first time there. They answered all of our questions and when I hemmed and hawed for 25 minutes about whether to drop the mad dollas on the above piece of genius, or get a $30 toothbrush looking vibrator, they didn’t lose their patience….they offered us chocolate! So, I settled on the Nea and D bought the Lily. Essentially, they are the same, except D’s (see below) has a silicone finish (less slippery).
Selling points…they are small and are easily useable solo AND during sexo. They also have mad power and motors guaranteed for a year. The batteries last for 7 hours, and that is in between charges. That’s right, they charge like a cell phone! HUGE SELLING POINT for me and D. Your big O doesn’t get interrupted by dead batteries! I swear, it’s a baller device, and they come in cases that look like a diamond necklace should be inside. They are sweet looking, design oriented. It’s like the iPhone of vibrators (eee!), and I for one, am pleased. D will have to let us know how she likes hers.
I thought I’d try mine out solo first, but Junior the NSA dropped by and got to do the honors. It was UBER great, and now his fears of being replaced have tripled, thanks to my sweet Nea. I might be out of commission for a little while…..I’m just sayin’. Aaawwwiiiiiinkk!
Filed under: Ballers & Shot Callers, cool beans, fury, Gee Thanks, Interwebz, Jorb, The Finer Things in Life, Uncategorized, videos | Tags: Art, Awesome, Ginger, Idiots, NSA, penis, people are stupid, Sexo, stress, the horror!, things -z- likes, Underwear, videos
This morning while jorbing, I corrected a foolish accounting disaster, talked to 4 whiny clients, and muddled through phone calls with several asinine medical providers for the aforementioned whiny clients. Then, the current NSA’s sister tried to friend me on fuckbook. You don’t friend with NSA’s family members. That’s not right. I feel sick.
Just when I thought -Z- was gonna have to choke a bitch, the Ginger sent me the above video. It soothed my frayed and ragey nerves and put a little smile on my face. I love it. And you will, too.
Filed under: Adventure!, awkward teen years/unfortunate adolescence, childhood, Fail, Fashion, Gee Thanks, Interwebz, just saying..., Nature | Tags: Austin Melton, Awesome, Cut Me a Switch, Irony, Lightning, NSA, Oregon, the environment, the horror!
Lightning Strikes!
The NSA forwarded this article to me about a kid in Oregon that got struck by lightning. People getting hit by lightning, suffering severe burns and a perforated ear drum, and being scarred mentally for life is no laughing matter.
However.
The innocent school picture accompanying the article IS hilarious. Click to see the zoomed in image after the jump. Then let’s talk about IRONY. (more…)
Filed under: Being Sneaky, everybody does it., Fail, Gee Thanks, general jabbering, Interwebz | Tags: Being Passive Aggressive, Fun, NSA, relationships, things -z- likes
Anyone got some fries?
So the NSA sent me this really great link, that I think might get Blog Rolled, for it is awesome. The site is called PassiveAggressiveNotes.com. You will love it, I promise. It has my stamp of approval.
I’ve been guilty of this irritating passive aggressive note leaving, too. I’m pretty sure I wrote a note to my college roomate telling her the following:
“Please TRAIN your stupid boyfriend to put the toilet seat down. Unless of course, he wants to start paying rent.”
She tore the note up and left it by my door.
Filed under: Ballers & Shot Callers, Celeb-U-Messes, cool beans, Fashion, HLM, Interwebz | Tags: Angelina Jolie, blogging, David Foster Wallace, feminism, Fun, Missbehave, NSA, Pingbacks, Psychology Today, Pudenda, stuff .m. likes, things -z- likes
The cover that got us...
Meg from Missbehave linked our blog post about the glow-puppies. Pingback! What?! What’s going on here? Pingbacks get .m. and I pretty excited.
Actually .m. is the reason that we started sweating Missbehave. She was out book shopping, most likely for a Psychology Today and a David Foster Wallace book (I’m speculating…but if I know that girl…there’s a good chance I’m on the right track). Well, she saw the above cover, flipped through it, dug it and bought it. When she got home, she called me and told me about it. Told me that she had picked up this rad magazine that she knew I’d love. That it was snarky, feminist, full of fashion, and intelligent writing. All the shit we love!! (more…)
Filed under: Being Sneaky, Fail, Hating, Jorb, shame shame shame | Tags: babies, bullshit, Crazy, Disgusting Things, ENolte, gchat, Glaucoma, HLM, Idiots, Miscarriage, NSA, Parenting, Transfats, Vending Machine Baby
This morning, I got to the office promptly at 8:00 a.m. Got myself a cup of coffee. Settled in to my desk to get ready for another great day of work!
*Phone Rings*
Filed under: Fail, Hating, Jorb | Tags: babies, Disgusting Things, Food Baby, Glaucoma, Idiots, Liars, Middle Finger, NSA, Oregon Trail Style Illness, Smokers, Trans, Transfats, Vending Machine
As you can imagine, she’s still not done.
We hired this girl at my job. Initially, we all thought she was about 30. Turns out, she’s 21. Smoker…Poster Child for Anti-Smoking Campaigns. She had a decent resume, and got the Filing job. The job is a bit monotonous, but it’s not rocket science. Do you know your alphabet? Good. She’s been working at my firm for one month. What’s my beef? Keep reading…. (more…)
Filed under: awkward teen years/unfortunate adolescence, Dating, deep thoughts, everybody does it., Fail, general jabbering, Interwebz, Sexism | Tags: blogging, bullshit, College, Disgusting Things, Feelings, Fun, Idiots, NSA, penis, Rat King, stuff .m. likes, weekend
so i’m googling photos for my spiders post, and i typed into google “spider huge disgusting.” this is an image that came up under that search heading. i guess for google, two outta three ain’t bad.
i had to click on the thumbnail to see what was going on, and, obviously, it was exactly what it looked like. i don’t find it all that disgusting; i figure most of that vomit is beer that bro drank within the 10 minutes prior to throwing up.
i am laughing out loud all alone in my apartment. this is the bro-iest picture i have ever seen in my life. the barfing bro is definitely what makes this picture, but what is the bro in the middle doing?? it looks like he’s dancing to some Paul Oakenfold or something.
anyway, too many words ruin a photo.
Filed under: deep thoughts, everybody does it., Fail, general jabbering, i'm not mad. i'm just disappointed., just saying..., relationships, Sex, shame shame shame | Tags: bullshit, Crazy, Disgusting Things, Feelings, Idiots, NSA, penis
Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing
the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. i did that on a couple occasions. i fucked this guy i knew and he was bad, but i fucked him again and thought it might be different. i was wrong.
we were friends and got along really well–had the same senses of humor, same appreciation for sarcasm and irony, same opinion of the general population as idiots, etc., etc. we also had some sexual tension between us for a couple years, but nothing ever came of it because we were both involved with people. but finally towards the end of college, we fucked. he was pretty drunk, had a tiny penis AND whiskey dick, and couldn’t work my clit to save his worthless life. it was the most anti-climactic sex i’ve ever had in every sense of the word.
but that didn’t stop me from fucking him two more times (over the course of two years, i’m not that crazy.) granted, those times i was the one who was wasted, but that didn’t make him any better, either. i thought about faking an orgasm, just to bring the experience to its merciful end, but i’m not the kind of girl to fake an orgasm or lie about it, so i gave it to him straight. (more…)
Filed under: Fashion, Gee Thanks, just saying..., religion. ugh., Sex, shame shame shame | Tags: 50's Throwback, Blog Outing, Crazy, gchat, impure thoughts, Lech, NSA, Swimwear!, Want! Want! Want!, Wholesome Wear, Whoredom
I can't keep my dirty dirty eyes off her deliciously bare ankles!
I’m getting pumped for summer. Why? Because I just found out that there are new swimsuit options that will revert us ladies out of whoredom! Who turned me on to this? None other than the NSA.
gchat convo:
NSA: http://www.wholesomewear.com/page-4.html
you should look into these
for summer
Is NSA trying to save me from whoredom? Regardless, I’ve got pretty hot wrists and ankles, and that bathe-u-tard isn’t going to save this little lady from the roving dirty sinful eyes and thoughts of the impure. Looks like I’ll be sticking to the bikini. Unless .m. wants to get one, too! We could make an outing of it!
This is what I propose, .m. I vote that we get us some WholesomeWear. Go to the beach this summer. And act as lewd and disgusting as possible. Hit on everything and everybody around us. Writhe in the surf. Cuss like sailors. We’ll take pictures and blog about the experience!
Wait…how much do these shits cost? Hmm….
