Pinky Links

welp, according to Einstein, i’m insane. the man’s got a point. ~.m. by maria b.

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing
the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. i did that on a couple occasions. i fucked this guy i knew and he was bad, but i fucked him again and thought it might be different. i was wrong.

we were friends and got along really well–had the same senses of humor, same appreciation for sarcasm and irony, same opinion of the general population as idiots, etc., etc. we also had some sexual tension between us for a couple years, but nothing ever came of it because we were both involved with people. but finally towards the end of college, we fucked. he was pretty drunk, had a tiny penis AND whiskey dick, and couldn’t work my clit to save his worthless life. it was the most anti-climactic sex i’ve ever had in every sense of the word.

but that didn’t stop me from fucking him two more times (over the course of two years, i’m not that crazy.) granted, those times i was the one who was wasted, but that didn’t make him any better, either. i thought about faking an orgasm, just to bring the experience to its merciful end, but i’m not the kind of girl to fake an orgasm or lie about it, so i gave it to him straight.

him: so did you finish?
me: no.
him: really? it seemed like you were pretty close, though.
me: nope.
him: are you sure?
me: yes.
him: oh.. well… i’ll get you next time…
me: [avoiding eye contact] we’ll see…

it was a little weird at first, because we were good friends and i didn’t know how to tell him that he was a god-awful lay. on top of that, he told close mutual (male) friends of ours that i was fantastic (obvi.) i totally threw him under the bus and gave them the gory/humiliating details. i don’t know exactly why, maybe because i hoped they’d say something and he’d somehow be better in the future. but clearly that didn’t happen.

and the moral of this story is, girls (and boys, i guess), do not ever fake an orgasm. it’s not worth it. all you’re doing is cheating yourself. so fuck that guy’s/girl’s sexual self-esteem, and tell them how to fuck you right. unless they just don’t have the goods, then avoid drinking around them and sleeping with them anyway.

5 Comments so far
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Comment by fantasiaspillowtalk

I really do not agree with that definition of insanity. I do agree, though, with that photo of Einstein sticking his tongue out.

What is whiskey dick?

Comment by ioncehadpartedhair

Oh! Thanks. Yeah I totally should have looked that up myself.

Comment by ioncehadpartedhair

Hi there,
There was a random link to this post on my blog, and I’m glad I clicked it. You’re a funny lady!

I agree that you shouldn’t fake orgasms, but I also think that sometimes women are confused as to what actually constitutes ‘finishing’ for them, y’know? And that can be frustrating for both them and their partners, whether their partners got the goods or no. I’ve written two posts about it. Maybe you’d like to have a look x

Comment by demurelemur

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