Filed under: Dating, Dogs, Fail, HLM, relationships, shame shame shame, Sunday Blog-a-thon, Tragedy | Tags: Apology, Crazy, Disgusting Things, Ex, Idiots, Pet Names, Rat King, relationships, Seinfeld, Shmoopy, Woobie
I would like to take a moment to make a formal apology to .m.
She has been a devoted, wonderful, and very tolerant best vuddy* for the last six years or so. We both have had our moments; done stupid things, annoyed each other, and made some weak sauce choices.
There is something I can’t forgive myself for, however. When I was with my Crazy Ex Sybil**, I became PET NAME GIRL. I didn’t initiate this behavior, it grew on me like toxic mold. My ex was a pusher of baby talk and pet names. Hhhh…writing this post has me throwing up a little in my mouth as I type, but it must be typed if I am ever to release some of this guilt.
What I’m getting at, is that .m. withstood 4 years of “woobies” and “shuggies” and “boobies”. When my ex talked about going to bed, he’d say “Let’s go sheebies.” He used to talk about wanting to marry me (BARF…ohmigod I can’t believe I’m typing this…at least I never wanted to do THAT) and he would say “I’m gonna be your husby.”
I need to end this post before I pass out. I’m feeling faint. The shame is overwhelming.
I’m sorry, .m. I’m sorry, and thank you for not murdering me. I would have understood if you had. I was awful. I need to go breathe into a paper bag now.
*vuddy=pet name me and .m. have for eachother….OH THE IRONY!!
** Sybil= the pet name we CURRENTLY have for my ex…IT NEVER ENDS!!!
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