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i hate blingees. by jig burn

i don.t have internet at home any longer.  i will blame the recession and leave it at that for now.  it.s hard to check email.  watch porn. basically my mode of distraction and entertainment has left my life.

but i.d like to see this situation as a “glass half full.”

one thing i am glad i.m missing out on is this atrocity known as Blingee.  i have yet to figure out where to place this brand of suck thas available on the internet.  but what i DO know is that mediocrity lives here…and the population is over abundant.  here are a few examples:

"yo. wazzup ladies! i be da fantasee dat you been waitin to cum to lyfe."

exhibit a:  this motherfucker is a clear example of how hip-hop and technology can be wed in perfect harmony.  the hip-hop side is well appropriated by the epilepsy inducing grafitti backdrop.  he was clever to use a piece that says “dope” instead of something that says “suburbZ” because that.s what fake ass fools would do.  hip-hop is also about doing with what you got…and what he has is a nascar hat BUT with a simple twist of the cap back, it is now hip-hop.  let.s notice the usage of his hand.  this is textbook whenever you want to portray a hip-hop “feel” and it looks natural because he lives hip-hop…it.s not a cerebral lifestyle he.s posing.  now the technology part of it soars him through the finish-line of a “thug life” because although he cannot afford “ice”, he aspires to as we can observe by the digital juxtaposition of a glimmer most commonly associated with the sparkle that these diamonds can produce.  he also is aware that he is white and doesn.t want to send off the wrong message.  the last thing he would want is for this work of expression to be misinterpreted.  therefore, he captioned this image with “Bad Boy” as he wants to not only express his status, but sending the implicit message that hip-hop is a multifaceted culture comprised of many types of people.

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exhibit b:  this little jailbait got her shit together.  she.s clearly artistic as she considers a theme of colors that expresses her mood.  the serendipity that the colors that she chose for her mood also compliments her skin tone and outfit well.  bravo.  she is sending a lot of hidden messages through this Blingee.  first off, she has inserted not only a warm red backdrop, but she is looking for the right guy to notice more than that.  the texture that she used in said backdrop is seemingly projecting that she isn.t plain but is as complicated as an Escher drawing.  she.s also cleverly shielding a nip slip with something that thematically compliments her romantic mood.  she.s clearly a lover, but not a whore.  she wants to be respected by men…even if she.s playing a cat.  this picture also shows minimal make-up which is just another callback to the fact that she is not a whore nor insecure.  she foregoes the flashy blinking lights because even though she.s stated that she.s complicated, she.s also straight to the point.  no frills.  granted she had a nip slip, the jesus cross that is resting on her lacy getup is telling the world that no matter how you judge this image, she has a moral compass.

aiyo fuck this picture.  can.t you see i ain.t widdit?

"aiyo fuck this picture. can.t you see i ain.t widdit?"

exhibit c: this asshole here is clearly what is wrong with myspace pictures.  he took this picture pre-staging his Blingee opportunity.  before the flash went off, he already saw the chain, cash and dancing hoes.  he clearly has some insecurity issues with wearing glasses because i.m sure he was wearing those all night so he can actually see…but when it comes time to immortalize his image, off comes the specs.  judging by his cubs hat and swollen upper body, he.s a BRO.  to insure that message comes across, he.s placed his drink of choice in the corner while giving the finger as he clearly “doesn.t give a fuck” about anything.

then again, who am i to judge…i can.t even afford internet.

-jb-

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

i’m not sure on which side of the fence i fall on this one. alls i can say is that in that top blingee, the word “dope” in the background is a noun and not an adjective. kind of poetic how that all came together there.

Comment by masakosan

My favorite sentence in this entry is “she.s also cleverly shielding a nip slip with something that thematically compliments her romantic mood. “

Comment by ioncehadpartedhair




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