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Vending Machine Baby Update. No Longer of This World. by -Z- by -Z-

This morning, I got to the office promptly at 8:00 a.m.  Got myself a cup of coffee. Settled in to my desk to get ready for another great day of work!

*Phone Rings*

Glaucoma: (all whispery voice) Z?
me: Yes…who is this?
Glaucoma: It’s me, Glaucoma.
me: Oh. What’s up?
Glaucoma: I had a miscarriage last night….(dramatic pause)….I didn’t even know I was pregnant!
me: Oh…um….so you’re not coming in to work?
Glaucoma: ……no.
me: Alright…I’ll let everyone know.

Now, I’m sure if you haven’t read the last post, you think this post is pretty shitty and mean.  But this girl is clearly a pathological liar. And this morning, she brought out the big guns.  Who accuses someone of lying about a miscarriage? My bosses sure aren’t going to.  Also, who just blurts out that they had a miscarriage. Isn’t that pretty private? That shit is serious, and I bet any woman who has had one would want to throttle her for taking it so lightly.

Plus, I’m not the only one who is laughing at this. Everyone else did, too!

.m.’s guesses as to the reason for the absence when I told her that Glaucoma wouldn’t be at work this morning:

 .m.:  omg
….leg amputation
 me:  haha
close
 .m.:  root canal?
jaw cancer
ear infection
spider bite

NSA’s thoughts on the matter:

NSA: i thought i told you -Z-
she called and said the US cavalry gave her blankets with typhoid
  god.
me: we should all say a little prayer for that tiny bundle of doritos

E’s opinion on the matter:

E: she’s allergic to work

 

What’s everyone else think?! Is she telling the truth? Am I a callous bitch for thinking this is so funny?  Should I give her the benefit of the doubt?  What should my bosses do? Fire her? Send her a sympathy card?  Should we keep her on and see what other diseases/medical emergencies she comes up with?  CONUNDRUM!

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Well, definitely fire her unless the amusement from the lies outweighs the loss of the firm’s productivity from continuing to employ her. (How to conduct this cost-benefit analysis? 1 “ha” = 1 cent.)

I like how you had her say “It’s me, Glaucoma.” I laughed and laughed……

Comment by ioncehadpartedhair

z, you.re mean.
straight up.

what if in fact these things are occurring? i mean miscarriages are real. and some people don.t know if they pregz. forreal. you are a low life.

Comment by jig burn

wait…hold on…is she retarded? bc then it would be funny. like corky retard. not the clinical you wouldn.t know unless they told you retard.

Comment by jig burn




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