Filed under: childhood, deep thoughts, everybody does it., Fail, Hating, just saying..., Nature, religion. ugh., Science, Sex | Tags: bullshit, Crazy, Disgusting Things, Evolution, Feelings, Idiots, Parenting
this video is another work of underappreciated genius that makes me think, “GOD, why didn’t i think of that??” the idea that pregnant women are smug (the title of the song in the YouTube clip) is so OBVIOUS and something i’ve been feeling for so long, yet didn’t articulate. but it’s so good, how could i be bitter? i’ll just expound on the idea. a note before i begin my rant: i’m speaking in gross generalities here. certainly, there are some preggers women and some moms out there who are not smug and who do not project the idea that their children should be fawned over by all who see them. but most of them are. these pregnant women act like they’re forging new frontiers or some shit. well, guess what? you women are just the latest in millions of generations of women to give birth. and the vast majority of those women didn’t have epidurals, induced labor, a gynecologist or even science to help them through their birth-giving experience. so get over yourselves. nowadays, passing that 8-pound lump of flesh out of that baseball-sized hole in your pelvis is a fuckin’ picnic compared to what it used to be.
secondly, having a baby is a choice. so stop complaining about your swelling and loss of control of select bodily functions and weird cravings like you couldn’t have expected them. “oh, i can’t believe how swollen i am! i’m huuuuge! i can’t believe it!” shut. up.
finally, yeah. i get it. having a kid forces you to make big lifestyle changes. these lifestyle changes should only affect you and the other people who are caring for the child. NOT your friends and definitely NOT your co-workers. you CHOSE to have a kid, but that choice does NOT include
- leaving work early because you can’t be away from your kid for too long. (if it’s that big of an issue, work part-time or don’t work at all. for chrissakes.)
- assuming other people will keep an eye on your kids when you take them out. (it’s YOUR responsibility to clean up after them, keep them out of the street, keep them in clean diapers, keep them on leashes, etc.)
- assuming that other people will be as enamored with your greasy, sticky, noisy, smelly little rugrats as you are. to me, your child is an ugly, helpless, illogical, shrill, drooling little larvae of a being and i want it as far away from me and my things as you can keep it. and shut it up.
- assuming other people even care to hear about your pregnancy/stupid kid stories. i don’t care. share that silly bullshit with other people whose lives revolve around someone else. they’re obliged to listen to yours if you listen to theirs. don’t waste my time.
i don’t care about your sonogram, i don’t care about your uterus, i don’t care about your baby and i don’t care about your toddler. if i thought they were so great, i’d get my own. i have a uterus, too, you know. i just choose not to use it. if you think i’m wasting it, fine. i think you’re wasting yours, too.
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