Pinky Links

my building manager is a cunt. ~.m. by maria b.
Interior of Extremely Messy Apartment in North Houston

this is NOT my apartment. NOT my apartment.

 so, last night (Saturday) i was enjoying my lazy day napping and watching Amelie. everything was going great–i was pretty tired, so after i woke up from my nap, ate, and bummed around, i was pooped and ready for bed. i brushed my teeth, washed my face and turned off all my lights. when i went to check that my door was locked, i saw an envelope stuck in my door. i opened it, and the letter inside pissed me off so much i couldn’t sleep. it said:

“During our annual apartment inspection we found items in violation of your lease. Per your lease agreement: … Rubbish Removal– Tenant agrees to keep the apartment in a reasonably clean condition. Garbage and refuse should be wrapped/tied in plastic bags… Reasonable Care of Unit– Tenant agrees to take reasonable care of unit… Item #7– To keep the premises in clean and tenantable condition and in good repair as at the beginning of the lease term…

VIOLATION: There are a number of areas in the apartment that are not being kept clean and in good condition according to the terms of your lease. This is a health concern as well as an upkeep concern. There were also areas of clutter that may pose a potential fire hazard.

the letter goes on to explain that they will “re-inspect [my] apartment again on Thursday, June 10, 2009[*] … to be certain [i] have corrected these violations” and threatens eviction “if the matter is not rectified.”

i am SO offended, not only because this cunt is telling me how to keep my home, but because she is telling me that it’s unhealthy and unsafe to live in. i don’t eat processed food, i avoid anyplace there is smoking allowed, i even shower daily (sarcasm)–if i’m okay living in this apartment, i’m pretty sure it’s not unhealthy or unsafe. 

i’m so fucking insulted. i don’t have food or dirty dishes lying around my apartment; i don’t have holes kicked in my walls; i don’t have trash rotting in the corners (i actually do keep all my trash in a covered trash can.) i was really shocked to find this letter, and i honestly can’t understand what there is to fix in my apartment. 

possible problems: some soap scum around the bottom of my bathtub (especially around the curtain area); a large pile of loose change on my kitchen island; several smallish stacks of books, binders and magazines on tables and various surfaces throughout my apartment; clothes hanging on top of doors, door handles, and on the backs of chairs.

but none of that is unhealthy, a fire hazard or permanent by any means. my apartment is cluttered, i’ll readily admit, but it is by no means dirty or unsafe.

i’m not going to sort my loose change, file my magazines chronologically or squeegee my bathtub obsessively after every shower. i don’t know what this asshole’s problem is, but i’m working with -Z- and JB (who have both recently visited my apartment) on devising a plan of action for dealing with this dickhole.

here’s what we’ve come up with: per -Z-, i bring the aforementioned letter to the office to the building manager and be (genuinely) incredulous and lightheartedly explain that i assume that there must have been some kind of mistake in my receipt of this letter. per JB, if she stands behind the letter and sees some kind of serious problem with how i keep MY home, then i get salty and call the office to ask permission to use my microwave, to alert them that i am rearranging my furniture, to get clarification on how full i should let my trash can get before emptying it, and pretty much to ask about anything i might do in or bring into MY apartment. 

my problem is this: if there was anything actually wrong with my apartment, that was broken, malfunctioning, filthy or unsafe, that’s one thing. but critiquing somebody’s property and how they keep house is just rude, as well as the fact that it has nothing to do with inspecting an apartment for repairs that need to be made. and if i had to move out of my apartment tomorrow, it would look like it did the day i moved in–the walls are still pristine, the carpet is clean and unstained, the microwave, stove, oven, AC, dishwasher, refrigerator, washer and dryer are all in working order. there is no damage, permanent or otherwise, to my apartment. so she can go fuck herself.

there is no “Thursday, June 10” this year. stupid bitch. also, her phrase “re-inspect your apartment again” is redundant. but she apparently didn’t think so. cuz that stupid cunt wrote that, too.

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